Addiction, Trauma, and the Problem of Being Present

The Energy of Then

I keep in mind in the future in rehab, after a very gruelling day of group remedy, the facilitator determined to finish with a mindfulness meditation. Feeling exhausted and overstimulated, I welcomed the prospect to shut my eyes and shut out the world for a short time.

However as she guided our consciousness via the physique, I turned painfully conscious of what was occurring inside mine—the tightness in my jaw and throat, my coronary heart pounding, the knot of worry twisting in my abdomen. My physique didn’t really feel like a protected place to be; it felt like a battle zone.

When the meditation ended, she reminded us of how necessary it’s in restoration “to reside within the now.” And that left me with a burning query that I didn’t dare ask: What if my now feels insufferable?

When the meditation ended, she reminded us of how necessary it’s in restoration “to reside within the now.” And that left me with a burning query that I didn’t dare ask: What if my now feels insufferable?

For many individuals in restoration, being within the physique can really feel like stepping onto enemy territory. It’s the place we maintain the emotional ache, unresolved trauma, and survival responses we’ve spent years attempting to not really feel. Mindfulness invitations us to tune in—to turn into conscious of our our bodies and minds, to take a seat with our feelings and ideas. 

To many individuals, it is a impartial idea. Nevertheless, for the addict in restoration, it’s additionally being requested to return to the hazard our habit as soon as protected us from.

I as soon as heard somebody say, “You may’t really feel the ability of now till you’ve healed the ability of then.” That assertion actually caught with me. 

When the nervous system is carrying trauma—after we’re dysregulated, overwhelmed, or trapped in a state of battle/flight/freeze—mindfulness doesn’t at all times really feel supportive. Typically it merely heightens our consciousness of the ache and discomfort inside, with out giving us the assets to manage.

The Root of Dependancy

Many consultants within the trauma and habit subject consider trauma sits on the root of habit. Gabor Mate, one of the influential voices on this work, invitations us to shift the query from, Why the habit? to, Why the ache? 

Many people are working from an outdated thought of what trauma really is. Trauma isn’t outlined by the occasion. It’s outlined by what occurs within us because of the occasion, the imprint it leaves on our physique and thoughts.

That reframing, turning the eye towards the struggling beneath the habits, was one of the highly effective turning factors in my restoration.

You could be studying this and pondering, “This doesn’t apply to me. I don’t have trauma.” But many people are working from an outdated thought of what trauma really is. Trauma isn’t outlined by the occasion. It’s outlined by what occurs within us because of the occasion, the imprint it leaves on our physique and thoughts.

Trauma knowledgeable Pat Ogden describes trauma as “any threatening, overwhelming expertise that we can’t combine.” When understood this fashion, it turns into extra relatable. It’s not restricted to catastrophic occasions; it additionally contains the undigested life experiences most of us carry in various levels—the moments that form how protected we really feel on the earth, in {our relationships}, and in our personal our bodies.

If substances turned a method to soothe, regulate, or discover aid from the imprint of these experiences, that’s the hyperlink between trauma and habit. Dependancy doesn’t manifest with out motive. It’s your physique and nervous system making an attempt to revive steadiness—to flee an insufferable now—when nothing else appears to work.

The Challenges Mindfulness Presents

Mindfulness isn’t inherently problematic for everybody dwelling with trauma; for some, it’s deeply supportive. The issue for some individuals dwelling with signs of trauma is that mindfulness can typically intensify these signs, and in some circumstances even trigger re-traumatisation.

Mindfulness ultimately turned considered one of my best assets. However within the early days, earlier than I used to be trauma knowledgeable, I usually pushed via discomfort, believing that was a part of the observe. I keep in mind one meditation particularly the place I pressured myself to take a seat with an more and more uncomfortable sensation within the pit of my abdomen. I used to be satisfied that if I simply stayed with it lengthy sufficient, I’d ultimately attain some blissful state of transcendence. As a substitute, it despatched me into an intense dissociative state which lasted for weeks—one thing I later realized isn’t unusual for trauma survivors. 

Because of this it’s necessary to grasp the potential challenges of mindfulness for some—in order that when you do encounter issues, you realize it’s not an indication of failure. It’s merely a sign out of your nervous system that extra security is required.

Listed below are some major alerts to concentrate to: 

Specializing in the physique or breath will be activating

Trauma lives within the physique as bodily sensations, constriction, rigidity, and survival responses. After we convey consciousness to the breath, or to areas that maintain this survival vitality—the chest, throat, stomach—these sensations can really feel overwhelming.

Mindfulness can set off traumatic reminiscences or flashbacks

Turning inward creates house for reminiscences, photos, or feelings that have been beforehand suppressed to rise to the floor. After they do, the physique and thoughts might react as if the previous is going on once more. In different phrases, we begin experiencing the ability of then.

Stillness can really feel threatening to a dysregulated nervous system.

For somebody who’s used to dwelling in a state of battle, flight, or power hypervigilance, stillness can really feel unfamiliar and unsafe. Even the sensation of calm can really feel threatening when the physique is used to scanning for hazard.

Self-observation can activate disgrace or self-judgement

Turning consideration inward could make self-critical ideas louder, particularly for somebody whose trauma concerned blame, guilt, or a lack of self-worth.

None of this implies mindfulness must be averted. Removed from it. It merely means the observe might have to be approached otherwise: with extra pacing, selection, and with security at its core.

Practising Mindfulness Safely

Security is the muse of trauma restoration and one of many cornerstones of trauma-informed mindfulness. David Treleaven, founding father of Trauma-Sensitive Mindfulness, emphasises that mindfulness for trauma survivors should be versatile, and tailored to go well with a person’s nervous system and wishes. As a substitute of pushing via discomfort, this strategy helps selection, regulation, and autonomy.

Listed below are some changes you can also make to your mindfulness observe if you begin to really feel activated: 

1. Begin outward. For many individuals, starting with exterior anchors feels extra supportive than turning the eye inward. Noticing sounds, feeling your toes on the ground, or gently orienting to your environment will help settle the nervous system.
2. Change it up. As soon as a way of grounding is established, you’ll be able to then gently strategy your inside expertise. It might assist to maneuver between inside and outer consciousness, in order that if something turns into too intense, you’ll be able to shift your focus again outward, alter your posture or pause fully. Having a dependable anchor, one thing that feels supportive to return to, will be particularly useful.
3. Get cellular. Motion can be a robust bridge to presence. Walking, stretching, or light swaying might really feel extra accessible when stillness feels too threatening. You don’t have to take a seat immobile in a lotus place to be aware. 
4. Open your eyes. For some individuals, closing their eyes means they will’t scan for hazard. As individuals are studying to search out security, practising with eyes open, or with a comfortable gaze, may cut back the vulnerability that will include closing the eyes.
5. Be light with a loud thoughts. It’s additionally value noting that the thoughts—even when busy or vital—can really feel safer than the physique. Understanding this will help cut back frustration when the thoughts doesn’t quieten in the way in which we would anticipate.

Probably the most necessary issues to recollect with trauma-sensitive mindfulness is that you’ve selection and autonomy. Treleaven says, “We wish them to know that in each second of observe they’re in management.” So, if issues turn into an excessive amount of, return to what feels protected. Keep inside your window of tolerance, which permits for some discomfort, however to not the place it’s overwhelming.

When practiced with care, mindfulness will be one of many best instruments for trauma therapeutic and habit restoration. For me, the advantages have been profound, a lot in order that I wrote a book about it. However the best profit was reconnecting with that a part of myself that habit and trauma by no means touched: the half that was at all times there, quietly watching, peaceable and nonetheless. My true self!

Mindfulness doesn’t rewrite the previous, however after we can embody a way of security, it helps us to carry it otherwise. In order that the ability of then now not overshadows the ability of now.